Allyson Stagg – SwipedOutLV dating blogger shares frontline stories of online dating in Vegas.

Allyson Stagg – Swiped Out, Online Dating in Vegas [Video Transcript]

Danielle Ford:  Welcome to another episode of Leading Las Vegas. I’m Danielle Ford of DanielleFord.com where visibility makes a difference and I’m here today with a long-time friend and amazing blogger Allyson Stagg.

Allyson Stagg:  Hi

Danielle Ford:  She has a hilarious blog that you guys need to check out; she discusses dating in Vegas and/or unsuccessfully dating in Las Vegas. And it’s very much comic relief as well as eye-opening to a lot of the things that women, especially women in their thirties, go through in looking for a potential partner here in the City of Sin. So Ally can you tell us a little bit more about you blog and specifically what made you want to start documenting your dating life?

Allyson Stagg: Yeah, I’ve been single for over two years and so I’ve been dating. And at the end of December I had a horrible date where I got walked out on after seven seconds..aaand.

Danielle Ford:  Okay so, hold on, did you talk to this person beforehand?

Allyson Stagg: Yeah! We had been in contact for several months and I kind of stopped responding because I was kind of seeing my ex again for a few months. And so when I was doing that, I kind of cut-off all communications with guys that I met online. And then me and my ex stopped talking for the million time again and I was like, okay whatever. And then this guy happened to write me a text a few days later and I was, like, not really feeling it. But my friend was like, ‘You know you need to go on this date it will get your mind off things.” And I was like, you know what? You’re right. What’s it going to hurt to go? So I got a babysitter. I got ready on a Thursday night, drove all the way down to this strip and I walked in, I sat down and he looked at me, disgusted, and said, “You look nothing like your photos.” And he walked out. And I, that never happened to me before! Luckily I had a bad feeling about it, and I actually had my best friend drive me down there and so I text her and I was like, we need to abort. We’ve got to go. So we actually met, then we were going up the escalators, my high heel got stuck in the escalator and shredded my shoe and I was just like, this night could not be any worse. So I was telling my sister a couple days later and she was like, ‘All of your dating stories, you really need to start documenting these. Because the things that happen to you, I mean, these are things that you see in movies.’ So I wrote on a whim. I just went in and wrote a blog. I didn’t think more than five people would read it and then all of a sudden I had 56 emails within a few hours of girls that were like, ‘Thank you for sharing that happened to me.’ And like, ‘I thought I was the only one.’ And I’m like, ‘Girl,that’s a him problem, not a you problem. Don’t let it bother you.’ And it just has kind of gone from there.

Danielle Ford:  I have so many things going through my mind right now. First of all he said you look nothing like your pictures. What pictures are on your profile? Not that that would be the reason to leave, but are you…

Allyson Stagg:  You know, I feel like I did a good job of representing who I am. You know, I’m in my thirties, I’m not twenty one years old anymore you know. I had full body shots, I had bathing suit shots, no makeup shots. And then I did have my head shots for my business and things like that, but I mean i had, I felt like they were good.

Danielle Ford: It wasn’t like abstract photos of you that didn’t show you as a person and then he was super surprised?

Allyson Stagg:  Yeah! I mean I started asking people. Because then I got concerned I was like, do I not look like my photos? So I started going around and showing people, and they were like ‘No! You do, you look like your photos.’

Danielle Ford:  Did this guy looks like his photos?

Allyson Stagg:  No.

Danielle Ford:  You should’ve been like, ‘and neither do you!’ Mic drop.

Allyson Stagg:  I didn’t have like a chance it was like a hooker transaction gone wrong, it almost felt like because it was just like I sat down and I’m all dressed up nice and then it’s in this lounge full of all these people and he just gets up and walks away and just like leaves me there.

Danielle Ford:  Did anyone else hear that go down?

Allyson Stagg:  Yeah! A lot of people! We were just sitting in the middle of a lounge with a lot of people there so yeah

Danielle:  Oh my gosh.

Allyson:  I just immediately got up and left. And thank goodness I had a feeling and had brought my best friend or it would’ve been the worst.

Danielle Ford:  Wow! At least you were able to take that horrible experience turn into a positive.

Allyson:  Totally

Danielle:  By writing about it which I think like, you see me do stuff like that online and kind of like share my past stories but I feel like it’s really important to turn your mess into your message because you do not realize how many people are going through the same thing until you put it out there. And they’re like, ‘Relatable. Relatable.”

Allyson Stagg:  And that was just one incident! And it turns out a lot of things that I’ve been through like breakups, romantic victories and heartache – like all these things that I’ve gone through, other people have gone through, obviously. And it’s really cool when I write about things and people write me and say like, “How did you get through this heartbreak? LIke, I’m just going through that right now.” And I really feel their pain because I’ve been there and for me to be able to be like, you know I can’t make anything to magically go away but you know, these are things that I did that helped me move on from that. It’s really cool.

Danielle Ford:  You guys have to check out Ally’s new videos too you know? I do a lot of video and you’ve recently started doing video. But backstory- we went to high school together, and we were in theatre together. We were in a bunch of musical together, so we both kind of have that. I don’t think that ever leaves you, you’re always kind of like, ‘Where can I perform? Is it here?’

Allyson Stagg:  Yeah

Danielle Ford:  So my videos are very educational, like how-to’s, and I love how you are taking that kind of experience but turning it into a production.

Allyson Stagg:  Yeah mine are not serious by any means, but it’s a little serious.

Danielle Ford:  Yeah like real thoughts you’re having on all of the dates. It’s hilarious you guys, when you check out her blog make sure you scroll down and look through for some of those videos because they are seriously hilarious. Like she’s like, she’s great. So what do you think is the problem with men coming to meet a woman who’s in her thirties? I was recently having a discussion about that and it feels almost like you said, I’m not a 21 year old cocktail waitress. Like they expect you to be, even though they know you’re not. so what’s happening there? And another thing I’ve found there’s a lot of men, especially male friends that are single, always complaining that there’s no good girls in Vegas. Have you seen people post things like that? Or say that to you? I’m constantly like, you guys there are good women in Vegas. You’re just looking in that wrong spots. You’re looking in bars and clubs. And what are your standards that you’re looking for?  Are you looking for a woman who meets professional, personal, emotional type of maturity levels and standards? Or is that not important to you at all? Right? Like have you seen any of that?

Allyson Stagg:  Yes. Yes! I have seen so much of that. And all I can say is, online dating has made men a lot more brazen and they definitely do things that they would never do in person. You know, they’ll just… since it’s just a little click and then they can sit there in their, you know, underwear or whatever and just send out messages like, “Hey.” And just say very vulgar things that they would never say to a woman’s face. They would get smacked! But if they send out a hundred of those messages, I mean, someone’s going to say yes, you know. And I feel like the lack of respect in asking a woman out has been sort of lost in online dating because there’s no repercussion to whatever they say because it’s not face to face. Like I would smack you, you know? If I got some of these things that I’ve got in messages… if they said that to me in person it would be an issue. So, I feel like online dating, men have definitely lost the lack of respect for how to court a woman. But then on the other hand, online dating is so convenient. I mean, I’m a single mother I have two kids. I’m busy. I work, go to school, so for me to have that a click away, to be able to filter instead of sitting at the bar and waiting for guys to approach you. Or guys being too shy to approach you

Danielle Ford:  Or going on blind dates and getting ready and not knowing anything about this person. So, I know you’ve had a lot of bad and funny experiences but you’re still on there. You’re still online dating so have you had good experiences and it just didn’t work out? Is there hope for online dating?

Allyson Stagg:  Yep I have. Yeah I’ve had more bad dates than good dates

Danielle Ford: What would you give lke as a ratio?

Allyson Stagg: Ratio? I would say 75% bad dates and 25% good dates.

Danielle Ford: Okay so it’s worth a shot

Allyson Stagg: Or also in the 75% I might have an okay date, but then they do something after that I’m just like whoa, wait.

Danielle Ford: Like a message later they say something stupid?

Allyson Stagg: And I’m just like whoa, never mind.

Danielle Ford: Like they send you a dick pic

Allyson Stagg: Oh yeah, they also send an unsolicited dick pic or whatever it is. It gets crazy. They show up at your house when you never gave them your address. I mean just a lot of weird things just have happened. But yeah, I’ve had a lot of good dates with there are some gentlemen out there, but it just doesn’t work out, you know it wasn’t mutual. But you know, even if I walked in and they weren’t what I expected I was still polite and I still sat there. And we went through the date because I’m an adult and that’s what we do. I definitely did not say no thank you and walk out.

Danielle Ford: Yeah, that’s what I thought yeah. Why is it that men feel like it’s okay to do that to somebody? Like I see men, the way they act, or things they say even in public when they shout. Like, who raised you? Did your mom raise you like that?

Allyson Stagg: Yeah they have bad manners. I don’t know what else to say. Just some of them have really bad manners in general.  

Danielle Ford: Wow so where do you think your blog and your dating life will be taking you in the next couple of years? I know it’s tough being a single mom,  just doing literally anything for yourself, let alone dating and rolling the dice on who you’re gonna meet. What are your future plans for dating or blogging? Obviously you need more content for your blog.

Allyson Stagg: I know, I actually think about, oh my gosh what if I meet someone and I start dating them? So actually, what I did was after I wrote my blog, the entry that started my blog, I actually I went back two years to when I started dating. So now I’ve kind of like progressed and gone through, I’m going through my dates one by one and then I throw in other content. Because people will ask me questions, or they’ll be like, ‘What are your thoughts on marriage? Or what do you think makes good companionship?’ So I address other things too of my personal experience because I have experienced a lot, you know. I’ve been the crazy girlfriend that pressures for marriage and that, you know, wants to move in. Blah, blah, blah. And I’m like, why? Why did I do that? Now that I’m older, I can reflect back. Like I can look at my mistakes and be like ‘learn from me.’ You know, learn from the mistakes I’ve done or learn from the immature things I’ve done. Or you know, because you don’t want to make those same mistakes. So I’m just kind of taking it where it leads me right now. I’m going in order and I write about questions that I get from my different readers. And who knows, I get a lot of people who ask me that are you going to write a book? I don’t know! I just you know take it day by day and as long as they keep reading I’m going to keep writing, so.

Danielle Ford: Do you think that there’s like a pool of good men out there? And the men that you’ve met are they mostly locals? Or are they tourists? Beause I feel like there’s a pre-judgement of the women of Vegas and that’s based on who you see on the Strip. And then men see a woman who’s… you’re born here right?

Allyson Stagg: I was born in Idaho but I was raised here

Danielle Ford: So yeah, or like from here are not the same way as the women have come here to be part of the Vegas industry

Allyson Stagg:  And all of the guys that I’ve had bad dates have been transplants they’re not from here.

Danielle Ford:  So that was I was asking, like what is the dating pool of men that you are trying to fit into this mold of this being like a good person for you to date is not great?

Allyson Stagg:  All the guys that I’ve had bad dates with were not raised here. They didn’t grow up here, so they’re not “from Vegas.” So I mean, I really just think that it’s luck of the draw. It doesn’t really matter where you’re from or how you were raised because I’m sure some of these men were raised just fine. But for some reason, they think it’s okay to act a certain way or they’re going to push their limits or buttons.  So I just think that Vegas is such a melting pot, it’s just… you’ve got to keep kissing the frogs until you find the prince.

Danielle Ford:  I have so many theories about that that I’ve had for a long time. And I haven’t been in the dating scene for a long time since like, online dating or app dating.  

Allyson: And i don’t think you ever want to.

Danielle: No I don’t, I’m so happy. I don’t ever want to.  When I hear these horror stories I’m like, I don’t even think I had an iPhone when I started dating the person I’m with.  So like, Tinder wasn’t an option. In general, something about Vegas that I might be completely off base, this might be my pre-judgements I don’t know. But I really feel like the people who come here later in life, they’re attracted to Vegas in some way that has something to do with fakeness, and an image of being someone cool, unless they’re coming here because we do like have a really cool tech scene with like a lot of innovative stuff. Unless they’re coming here for that, men and women alike are coming here for the wrong reasons and then they get put into like our pool of friends, dating partners, business associates and they’re extremely unreliable.

Allyson Stagg: I agree with you 150%. It’s like they might be in their thirties, but they’re trying to live like they are 21. But I had a fake ID when I was 16 so by the time I actually got to 21 I was over the Vegas scene. I grew up here. I’ve been surrounded in it, I mean never come to the Strip unless maybe we’re going to try new restaurants. Everything that people think that Vegas is, locals are like, ‘No thanks!’ Like, we don’t go out and gamble unless people come to town and it’s for fun usually, and you usually you know, like these things

Danielle Ford: And then I bet like men when you’re like let’s go on a date! Are they down to  go like laser tagging? Or they like to go and do like the club scene or a lounge on the Strip?

Allyson Stagg: I wanna go laser tagging!

Danielle Ford: I know.

Allyson Stagg: I know paintball, laser tag, I’m like if someone picks… it’s usually dinner. Usually it’s dinner or drinks. If they ask me for coffee, I’m always kind of like hmmmm. Like I’m not even worth like dinner? For me as a woman, when guys are like ‘Hey want to grab coffee?’ One, I don’t drink coffee.

Danielle Ford: Why don’t you like, ask me?

Allyson Stagg: And two, all I’m worth is a $5 coffee and 30 minutes of your time? It’s like an interview to see if you’d actually want to spend the money to take me on a date?  

Danielle Ford: Or are you going to hire me for business? Or date me? Becoause these are two different things.

Allyson Stagg: Yeah. I can never tell, so.

Danielle Ford: Ok, well thank you so much Ally for coming on.

Allyson:  Of course.

Danielle:  And sharing your experiences so honestly.  I know that so many of our viewers can relate to that. And I love living vicariously through you.  Knock on wood, I don’t want to do it.  

Allyson: Maybe someday I’ll meet somebody, but for now it makes for good storytelling for sure.  

Danielle:  I know, I have a lot of friends that are in the same boat and I know that you’re not alone. And you guys, if you are single and you want to put an end to her blog forever, check her out.

Allyson:  It’s like a “How I Met Your Mother” – type thing.    

Danielle:  I love it! Or check her out at swipedoutlv@wordpress.com or swipedoutlv on social media. Thank you for watching, I hope you enjoyed this episode.  I know i did.  Again this is Allyson Stagg, I’m Danielle Ford and this is Leading Las Vegas.  Bye!

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